NORMAN’S AMISH DREAM

Yeovil Town Football Club’s land is now firmly in the grasp of its anonymous owner Mr. Norman Hayward. What he needs with three football pitches, two pothole ridden car parks, an unfit for purpose marquee and a fly tipping zone behind the club’s most recent stadium improvement (which is 16 years old) is anyone’s guess…

Hayward’s tenure at Huish Park is generally regarded as a thrifty overlordship. However, the Oracle informs us that Hayward is owed £427,006 by Yeovil Town Football Club through the shady business structure. In true essence of his frugal nature, perhaps Mr Hayward is looking to rebrand the club into an Amish operation.

The surrounding lands of Huish Park will become farmland. Training for the players will become heavy agricultural work. Ploughing the land and harvesting the fruit and vegetables that it produces. Turnips for football and overalls for goalposts.

The produce that it reaps will sustain the staff, players, hospitality and tea bars turning the club into a profit-making machine. Beer and cider for the leaky tent will be 100% Huish Park brewed. No need for the Thatchers sponsorship now.

On the pitch the players will grow stronger and more powerful which will help to combat the “physical” teams that have the audacity to play to their strengths and leave Huish Park with at least a point! The manual labour truly hard day’s work will give them the mental strength to overcome “adversity”. It will also get them to “play for the badge” in the hope they can force a move and escape the part-time agricultural industry.

Eventually, cotton will grow and the kits, training wear, uniform, club merchandise and more will all be grown on the Huish Park site. Sports Direct can shove their Sondico. YTFC has Haywardco.

All technology at the club will be stripped. No electricity – no bills. Evening games will become a thing of the past without floodlights. The toilets throughout Huish Park are Amish ready with no hot running water. Without the internet, telephones or lines of communication the boardroom strategy (if it exists) will remain as hidden as it is now.

There may be negatives to the Amish way at Yeovil Town, though. With no connection to the outside world, the club may lose track of the going rate of ticket prices in football and they could suddenly become good value for fans…

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